The Cat PM at No 10
A version of this poem was performed at No 10 Downing Street on 24th November 2015
There once was a cat at Number 10,
Who fancied himself as the PM.
He’d jump on the desk then sit in the chair
When the real Prime Minister wasn’t there.
Purring as he licked his paws,
Meowing as he stretched his claws.
He imagined all the things he’d do
If all his policies came true.
Yes, Mr Cameron’s a kind human
And so’s his wife—the lovely Sam.
But from now on let’s be very clear
About who really is the boss round here.
Once every feline has the vote,
No longer will George Osborne gloat.
All MP’s would be de-selected
And only cats could be elected.
Cats in power! Cats in charge!
Cats at leisure! Cats at large!
Cats are smarter! Cats are cool!
Cats’ Magna Carta—when Cats rule!
Those wretched cat flaps will be banned,
Proclaim the news throughout the land.
Wait at the door, we’ll let you know
When we wish to come and go.
If it rains we want a feller,
To protect us with a big umbrella.
And should we choose to take a nap,
You must provide a nice warm lap.
And if we wish to use your garden,
We certainly will not beg your pardon.
We’ll do our business where we choose,
Do not shoo us—don’t abuse.
We’ll shut you in the Albert Hall,
While ten cats’ choirs caterwaul.
Then we’ll hurl dirt, sticks and stones
To make you hurtle to your homes.
Cats in power! Cats in charge!
Cats at leisure! Cats at large!
Cats are smarter! Cats are cool!
Cats’ Magna Carta—when Cats rule!
Every dog will become our slave,
If any of them misbehave,
If they rebel, if they say no,
We’ll send them to a firework show.
No birds shall taunt us from a tree,
The ground will be their territory.
We will so enjoy the slaughter
As fish must jump out of the water.
Every louse will be re-housed,
And every house must have a mouse,
And every flat must have a rat,
And every cat must have a mat.
And we intend to close our borders
To those who’ll not obey our orders.
If you don’t do as we please,
We will make you refugees.
All babies will be micro-chipped,
Macho males will have the snip.
Eventually to make more space,
We’ll get rid of the human race.
Cats in power! Cats in charge!
Cats at leisure! Cats at large!
Cats are smarter! Cats are cool!
Cats’ Magna Carta—when Cats rule!
© Clive PiG